Life Lessons

Both my wife and I have over twenty years of working with kids on all levels. In the early days, while I was going to college, we had three children of our own and loved parenting. So, when we needed some extra money, I signed up to be an assistant at a state facility for child psychology. I was to be an observer, and my job was simply to record behavior.

Every ten minutes I had to write down if a particular child was doing what they were asked to do. The teachers that worked with them called it “being on task.” I was immediately amazed at what those teachers could get the children to do. Within days they were not only doing whatever was asked of them, but they had also become adept at such social skills as looking you in the eye when speaking to you, and even being polite. Then and there, I was hooked on learning how to do what they did. Throughout the many years that followed, those methods have been a benefit to both my career, and my own home-life, as well.

However, one of the biggest eye-openers of those early lessons was to notice how when the kids would return to their homes, many of them would almost immediately revert to their old behaviors. I realized then that it was the parents-- not the kids-- who were triggering a lot of those unwanted behaviors without even realizing it. And so the battles began. In the end, the families who were helped most with that program were the ones who took it upon themselves to learn the best methods for dealing with their children.

I have found the same situations to be true today. A surprising number of parents do not think they are responsible for their children's behavior: as if behavior is something that belongs wholly to the child. They see their role as simply teaching their children how to behave. Yet, so much more could be accomplished if only parents would agree to be learners, too. To this day, I am amazed at how much I am still learning about parent/child behaviors, even from my own grown children. I guess it's because learning is a lifetime thing.

No matter how old you are.